I am about 4 weeks away from Ironman New Zealand and for once, realize the enormity of this year's effort. I slipped and fell pretty hard on my run last night and really hurt myself. Mostly, the ego was hurt however. I work hard on being positive everyday because I have several challenges to overcome, several stereotypes to get over and most of all, our society seems to breed fear.

I am sure a lot of people from Bangalore can relate to this. As children, there is always pressure to study, go to violin class, dance class, music class etc. etc. I am lucky to have supportive parents who never put any pressure on me, but, I do know this to be true of several of my cousins and class-mates, in Bangalore, in Madras, everywhere else.

The outcome of this sort of pressure or pressured environment was two-fold. Since my parents never pressurized me, I was hell-bent on doing as much as I could. Biking to school (which, given that I was very chubby, was very difficult :)) computer classes, acing the English and Computer Science tests (my old teacher in class 10 was the BEST and I LOVED BASIC), getting good enough grades to make the best Engineering Schools and so on. The flip side was that all of us, except the glamorous basketball players in school, were pretty one-dimensional. We knew our Newton's Laws, the fifth paragraph of Julius Caesar's Act II, Scene I and what day Mohammed Bin Tughluq ascended the throne, but, that was it. Health was not a premium. We did really well academically and since society has these rungs of study, work, own-a-house, be-secure, that part is OK.

The second love of my life is sport and as with all second loves, it is a much harder road to travel. An English major trying to master Discrete Mathematics will always be someone I respect way more than an English major getting a PhD in English. This is how my quest with sport is.

When I started down this road, I knew how esoteric this was. I knew all the swim meet records, the run records, the cycle records. I knew the depth of the field. I walked into this, eyes wide open.

After the fall yesterday and a really painful walk back home, I felt pretty low. What was the point? The world championships seem further and further away, every year. Everything is extremely unaffordable, bike-shorts most importantly. Although I know I am not trying to prove a point here, the day-to-day realities do gnaw at my heart. My backyard, my country, is very unsuited for this sport.. and to be entirely honest, my home is back in India and that is where my heart is. Past all the challenges.

I was in so much pain that I was sure I had broken something and thought that this was the end of my sporting go :) This tends to happen when one is really low on morale.. but, something else came up, which made me see things for what they are. ALT wrote an awesome poem called Ulysses, which best articulates my thoughts, since I am no good at poetry :)

For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known;

Even if sport is done as chapter 2, I will probably pick up playing the violin again and try to be the next grandmaster.

My legs are fine today! But, I needed the 30 minutes of painful hobble to understand where I started and peer into where I am trying to go. 4 Weeks to pay day and no grumbling from me...