"All fighters are pig-headed some way or another: some part of them always thinks they know better than you about something. Truth is: even if they're wrong, even if that one thing is going to be the ruin of them, if you can beat that last bit out of them... they ain't fighters at all."

I cannot remember the number of times I have watched this movie. This and the poem "Ulysses" by ALT are truly the works I live by! Ive been up for 9 hours already and its only 2pm! Im working on my own optimism and creating my own serendipity.

It is 2pm, I am at work on two deadlines that are coming up in less than 24 hours. Ive been up since 5am and on the move since. Two hours ago, I happened to read the news as its so hard to concentrate on one thing, these days. There are so many different things to distract us, the internet, planning and a restless heart that wonders what it should be doing right-er.

I just read the news about the bomb blasts in Mumbai. This is the latest in a whole series that has spanned not just about every major city in India but also the rest of the world. For two hours after reading the news, I continued to work on whatever report I was working on. Someone Ive just met keeps reminding me that you can conquer space but never time, I think I am in love with this someone, secretly. I am a disbeliever in main-stream news being all important because the main-stream press is just not all that original or gutsy of late, it seems. Ive wept for the madness in this world today, for our own country where poverty and internal conflict add new dimensions to any natural disaster or such mindless acts of terror. I remember a story that my sister-in-law told me about eating at a restaurant in Bangalore, listening to the news of a bomb-blast in Bangalore that very same instant and continuing to finish up lunch... very similar to my continuing to finish up work.

Ive pondered long and hard about what this sport means to me. One smart man I know told me that I was fighting the wrong battles. I am so angry about the inequalities and that manifests itself as a grand goal in the toughest sport in the world. I dont know what that goal is. All I know is that I am going to get there.. that is enough for now. After all, this is the very moment we truly have control over.

This blog is just to cheer me up! I am going through some major hell right now. Ive just moved out of a place where a roommate thought that "Hindu" was a language. Of course, other things like my never being home, leaving the microwave door ajar for 5 minutes and having a lot of energy really bothered her too much to live with me. Its a shame because the other roommate was North Indian and we really got along well.

My life is consequently a bloddy mess and Im living at a friend's now, until this situation sorts itself out.

In the meanwhile, Ive been thinking about the upcoming season. Im bummed to be so behind work and my plans but, patience is the only solution to situations that are not in our control.

I was up until 3am working, to catch up on things. I just could not sleep.. Im so wound up, unhappy and miserable right now, I could cry. Added to this, I am in a place where I used to have a great friend but, we are not on talking terms anymore. In fact, this person is like the Ivory Tower of relationships, there are no second chances and "third walls" to climb. I have no idea why I waste time on people that have such big egos in the first place? I have no ego when it comes to my friends, teachers or mentors. I am very clear about that and live my stereotypes.

Anyway, I have a couple of instincts that I have to figure out this coming few months. One of them has to do with patience. The other has to do with taking a few risks. The third has to do with strengthening my inner voice.

Time to go sort out the day and get out of the pity hole I have dug for myself.