Well.. there is only so much you can do to avoid pondering too deeply over things! I tried to put it off for about 3-5 years, tired and disillusioned with Non-Profits and other proponents of social causes.. Compassion is different from social-service however and while I dont see my role as a social-servant, I definitely think lending my voice to what I used to (and still) believe in, is not a lost cause. This is a rather interesting development (in my life) and just to give you a rundown of what brought this on, Ill start at the beginning... I went to a very modest Catholic school with very modest fees. We saw a lot of different economic classes in our school. Most of us didnt have too much to begin with. As we grew older together (between standards 1 to 10), we kids partitioned into our own sub-groups. There were the jocks with nice legs and basketball practise. There were us nerds with good vocabulary and high-scores. There were those who hated school (and probably have the best personalities today :) Still seeking these out).. and those that were just multi-talented. All of us were pretty idealistic, however.

This sorta stayed with me throughout my childhood and adulthood, thus far. In school, I remember spending my afternoons with this girl who had stayed behind, traumatizing her with my confused rendition of what the Geometry teacher had taught us that day and helping with homework (whether that helped her or held her back is upfor question :)). Through college there was so much to scream our throats hoarse about, Kraft foods, fast food, women in engineering, domestic abuse, childrens rights and AIDS awareness. In fact, most of my long rides and love for biking was born out of doing activities with the sociologists and the geographers, who always had an opinion about everything.

I got disillusioned simply because human flaws are omnipresent. I met a lot of people whose only identity became the time they spent helping others. It did not suit my purse (as I had to always hold multiple jobs to afford things) or my time-frame.. added to this, volunteering came with tax-breaks for some..so, these are the things one does not want to deal with, ideally.

This summer has been quite interesting, so far. While I still love sport and have set my sights higher than before (as I am sick of belonging to a crowd of glory-seekers.. sorry, not good enough for me) I think Im back to wanting it to mean something. This is an inherently private and quiet quest.. and Im Ok with that.. as I said, I dont find my primary identity in social service.. however, I am willing to choose the path of moderation and actually move forward with doing my bit. Im trying to contact a few seemingly intelligent people to see what they have to say... Ill keep you posted on how it goes!