Well.. there is only so much you can do to avoid pondering too deeply over things! I tried to put it off for about 3-5 years, tired and disillusioned with Non-Profits and other proponents of social causes.. Compassion is different from social-service however and while I dont see my role as a social-servant, I definitely think lending my voice to what I used to (and still) believe in, is not a lost cause. This is a rather interesting development (in my life) and just to give you a rundown of what brought this on, Ill start at the beginning... I went to a very modest Catholic school with very modest fees. We saw a lot of different economic classes in our school. Most of us didnt have too much to begin with. As we grew older together (between standards 1 to 10), we kids partitioned into our own sub-groups. There were the jocks with nice legs and basketball practise. There were us nerds with good vocabulary and high-scores. There were those who hated school (and probably have the best personalities today :) Still seeking these out).. and those that were just multi-talented. All of us were pretty idealistic, however.

This sorta stayed with me throughout my childhood and adulthood, thus far. In school, I remember spending my afternoons with this girl who had stayed behind, traumatizing her with my confused rendition of what the Geometry teacher had taught us that day and helping with homework (whether that helped her or held her back is upfor question :)). Through college there was so much to scream our throats hoarse about, Kraft foods, fast food, women in engineering, domestic abuse, childrens rights and AIDS awareness. In fact, most of my long rides and love for biking was born out of doing activities with the sociologists and the geographers, who always had an opinion about everything.

I got disillusioned simply because human flaws are omnipresent. I met a lot of people whose only identity became the time they spent helping others. It did not suit my purse (as I had to always hold multiple jobs to afford things) or my time-frame.. added to this, volunteering came with tax-breaks for some..so, these are the things one does not want to deal with, ideally.

This summer has been quite interesting, so far. While I still love sport and have set my sights higher than before (as I am sick of belonging to a crowd of glory-seekers.. sorry, not good enough for me) I think Im back to wanting it to mean something. This is an inherently private and quiet quest.. and Im Ok with that.. as I said, I dont find my primary identity in social service.. however, I am willing to choose the path of moderation and actually move forward with doing my bit. Im trying to contact a few seemingly intelligent people to see what they have to say... Ill keep you posted on how it goes!

Once in a while (not once upon a time), very, very rarely, I get fired up about things. I choose to express such feelings even less frequently and hardly ever read the news, unless its for work. Bill Gates however is worth reading about simply for the amusement factor. Bing is the next thing in search (sure, honey!), India needs to produce more Computer Science PhDs (sure, honey!) and so on and so forth. Growing up in Bangalore was very different than what it has turned into now. Of course, for a triathlete, its hell. Waking up at 3am is overrated and really affects your happiness in the long term, just for a bike ride.. added to this, the point of exercise is to get outside.. somehow, communicating this to crazy coaches who draw analogies to tough people that train indoors in the winter was never easy... "yes coach, they train indoors 4 months of the year... im training indoors year-round... thats why I hate the treadmill.... etc. etc."

Parts of my city in specific and country in general have gotten a lot richer, thanks to outsourcing, off-shoring, or whatever you want to call it... perhaps the affluence of a nation is easily seen with the amount of amateur athletes in nice nike gear... why doesnt anyone get it? Now that we are somewhat better off, we have time to run, to think about health, to want to spend time with our families and raise our children well, nothing wrong with any of this.. Of course, being the "third-world" (the term itself being an abomination) outsourcing has also crowded our cities beyond their current capacities and my city is not where I grew up. Everyday trees get cut down to widen roads.. I say (everywhere in the world, not just India) people are too lazy to get off their high horses or cars to walk anywhere.. and if the road is too narrow, maybe a car shouldnt be allowed there in the first place.. since when did cars become more important than pedetrians (oh wait, I missed the 2000 y.o memo.. sorry!).

Anyway, growing up all over the world, my ideas of happiness and progress have a relative comparison scale. For example, outsourcing is very similar to what happened in America even, when the great Steinbeck wrote his awesome books. We are like the Okies, we work for less therefore we attract investment. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live well.. and its not just Bangalore or Beijing that wants this.. everyone, all over the world, does.

From a somewhat young Indian's point of view, outsourcing has killled and encouraged creativity equally. Its only the skeptics that buy one version or the other. I believe the news is good, outsourcing or no outsourcing. Working closely with the innovators in my own country and mostly with Tier 2 and 3 companies, individuals and students, I see that a lot of savvy people and moving along with gaining global competence, with ideas, with marketability and just sheer participation. Yeah, that neighbors son has made his milion and has time to sip coffee and write books and be a rabble rouser about environmental policy, what is so bad about that?

Point being, inertia is a good thing. Sure, I get very riled about the "state-of-affairs" at home but, whats to not like about being able to stand up and do things that my parents couldnt have even dreamt of doing?

What has this ramble got to do with triathlon, you ask? Well, here is a little story.. i started off on what I thought was a 3 hour ride, which turned into a 4:50 ride or more.. When Im riding, I have no concept of time, space or effort. This is why my biking sucks. Sport, like my studies, seems to require an element of concentration to get in the efforts, once in a while. I did not realize this until now... but now that I have realized it, Ive also realized that just training big hours and being self-rigteous about it is not enough.. Laziness manifests itself in so many ways, specially when you think you have time. If you flip the coin and tell yourself you have no time and have to get this done and done right, then the whole equation is different. So, Im currently on a mission, to learn a lot from a smart person with the soul of a mid-western farmer and the vocabulary of Walt Whitman.. Hey, I dont really mind that he is from Buffalo.. he has so much to teach me! Specially about riding a bike.. So, hopefully, Bangalore will also have a lot to offer.. in terms of bounty of the intellectual and the nike-wearing kind.

Random Thoughts:

-- I heart Will Ferrel..
-- America is the country with the most geographic diversity, some great food choices, some horrible food choices, major creativity and optimism
-- India is the country with the most unassuming folks and my heart strings are always played at home
-- I heart India :)
-- Hope is central to being
-- Living every day to its fullest is an act of faith
-- Realizing our potential is a lonely and difficult path
-- I dont-heart kicking drills in the pool
-- Having more than one gift is a privilege, we must use that well
-- Im very old school about romance and true love
-- Modern day populations age faster as news reaches us much faster than it did Sam Hamilton
-- I dont-heart TV
-- I heart hard-work
-- Human beings as creatures were meant to move, a lot... remember the hunter-gatherer syndrome.........
-- I heart mushrooms and spinach
-- I shouldnt have eaten an omlette in 89 degree weather
-- I dont like random conversations unless its spontaneous
-- I am not afraid of failure, I would fail only if I didnt try

June has come and gone and I have a LOT of activity to report in that small amount of time, a month! Of course, being too inarticulate and private to spill it here, Ill just leave it as a teaser :) Good news, Im losing a bit of weight Id put on with my viral fever in May..... :) Always good to be light. Better news, Ive realized what was bugging me for most of June. Ive only realized it now so, I have to spend July figuring out a contingency plan. Things have been so hectic that I almost had a mini-breakdown after a nearly missed flight. Doing a lot of training and sleeping only 5 hours has some really funny effects making me laugh for days. Anyway, the BEST news is that I am living with someone who is borderline sane for once and this is great :) I dont think I will ever live with a non-athlete ever again. Its just not worth the headache. I have some awesome highs and silly lows to report from last month but, maybe another time.. Here is a picture from a great day indoors, testing my mind to the limit... As they say, the game is mostly up in your head.